Random jokes

[JDW]

<pstar``afk> my kazaa preformed an illegal opperation
<cCCPehlet`> isn't that what kazaa is designed to do?

[Roux Le Corps]

hahahaha where do you get these things?

[JDW]

hahahaha where do you get these things?

Oh, Just here and there . Glad you're enjoying them

[JDW]

<BoZmAn20> my ex girlfriend has such horrible taste in men
<BoZmAn20> wait
<BoZmAn20> S***.

EDIT: Censored some words.. thanks for the warning Roux Le Corps.

[Roux Le Corps]

Lol poor ex ^_^

[JDW]

<Raize> can you guys see what I type?
<vecna> no, raize
<Raize> How do I set it up so you can see it?

[cybersphinx]

Warzone Google Ads.png

[JDW]

Warzone Google Ads.png

[JDW]

If the enemy is in range, so are you.

Incoming fire has the right of way.

Don't look conspicuous, it draws fire.

There is always a way.

The easy way is always mined.

Try to look unimportant, they may be low on ammo.

Professionals are predictable, it's the amateurs that are dangerous.

The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: a. When you're ready for them. b. When you're not ready for them.

Teamwork is essential, it gives them someone else to shoot at.

If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed at you.

The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.

A "sucking chest wound" is natures way of telling you to slow down.

If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.

Never draw fire, it irritates everyone around you.

Anything you do can get you shot, including nothing.

Make it tough enough for the enemy to get in and you won't be able to get out.

Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.

If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in a combat zone.

When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.

Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder.

[Roux Le Corps]

ahhh this thread is still pure win ^_^

btw, in the sniper corps we take out one man with one well aimed and precise shot, in the tank corps we took out 50 men and we friggen missed!!!

[JDW]

A soldier, a marine, and an airman got into a fight about which service is best. The fight was so heated, that they killed each other.

Soon, they found themselves in Heaven. They see St. Peter walk by and ask, “Which
Branch of Service is the best?”

St. Peter replied, “I can't answer that. But, I will ask God what He thinks the next time I see Him.”

Some time later, the three see St. Peter again and ask him if he was able to find the
answer.

Suddenly, a dove landed on St. Peter's shoulder. The dove was carrying a note in
its beak. St. Peter opened the note and read it out loud to the three fellows:
“Gentlemen: All the Branches of the Service are ‘Honorable and Noble’. Each one
of you has served your country well. Be proud of that.

(signed)
GOD, USN (Ret.)”

[Roux Le Corps]

hahahaha, explains Noach and his ark then

[JDW]

hahahaha, explains Noach and his ark then

Right

[JDW]

"Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some squawks submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.

(P) = Problem (S) = Solution


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement

(S) Almost replaced left inside main tire


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough

(S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid

(S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(P) Something loose in cockpit

(S) Something tightened in cockpit


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear

(S) Evidence removed


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(P) DME volume unbelievably loud

(S) Volume set to more believable level


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(P) Dead bugs on windshield

(S) Live bugs on order


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent

(S) Cannot reproduce problem on ground


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(P) IFF inoperative

(S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode (IFF-Identification Friend or Foe)


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick

(S) That's what they're there for


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(P) Number three engine missing

(S) Engine found on right wing after brief search


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(P) Aircraft handles funny

(S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(P) Target Radar hums

(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics

[KukY]

Wait... I don't get the first one...