Merah The Fallen Angel - Story by Merowingg

[Merowingg]

Rman you have to read remaining books of The Witcher as they just amazingly correspond with each other! and the first one is just good warming up.

Yes.. the mobile phone was a spoiler in this case I am sorry.. although you didnt know what is it about.. you were made to think.

Yes I know Joseph Conrad.

Searge-Major thank you very much, I promise to prepare text far better this time. I am sorry, and of course the previous ones will be improved too in the future.

Rman I understand all that you have said, no need for you to show me those things, I will improve with the next part.

Thank you Gentlemen for all. It loos so badly as I treat the story as some sort of mind clearing of my life situation now.. so it is created in some sort of chaos. I only throw things in bad form but of course I cannot do it in extremem way as then it lose all its point.

[Merowingg]

Part Three (Let’s Pack)
Merah moved quickly toward pieces of wood and materials what was still a bed few seconds ago.
Where is my beloved backpack now..? she wondered.. ah here you are she smiled.
Hello Absorber she said
Ekhm.. the Absorwer coughed.
One sec! she said, picking up beautiful metal like box about fifty centimeters long, about twenty five wide, and eight in depth. A masterpiece of old times engineering . This box could absorb anything that contained at least twenty percent of metal, or any similar material. What is more it did so in a blink of an eye to release it with the same speed. What is more it had very advanced computer in so it could analyze things, and it had this feature Merah liked the most, it talked!
It has intelligence of a human being what is more it was even smarter than many people she has ever met.
This one was sarcastic like hell and reacted only when asked, when touched, approached, or made to assimilate. The thing was so clever that even if Merah wanted to surprise it and threw thing on it she wanted to be assimilated the Absorber always caught it saying “nice try”
It has to be loaded with electricity as everything, whenever she plugged it into the network, it was making this strange sounds she did not even want to think about of their meaning.
Hello Junki se said smiling while putting it on her back,
Hi cutie Absorber said with a small tone of anger in his voice, is there a reason why I was lying on the floor upside down for such a long time? And couldn’t you just once in your life pack a minute slower?
I love you Junki she said laughing. Placing Blue Rose behind her with her right hand.
Yummy Absorber said, while nicely absorbing Blue Rose.
Merah stopped, what would happen if I shot the Watcher into right eye? And then she recalled one of the lessons about modern creatures. Shooting the right eye would do nothing, it is a spare one in this case, the Watcher automatically switch all his processes into the left eye, and behind this one the most sensitive part of it is placed.
Shall we wait some more? Absorber said.
Yes yes Merah said, she picked the shorter dagger from the floor and placed in on her right leg calf. This one was like pike, made for stubbing.
Not far away was the longer one, she liked it very much, she called it Shadow, because the steel it was made of did not reflect any light. She liked to name things. She placed the Shadow with her left hand on the Absorber, who absorbed the Shadow saying.
Are we finished for today cutie?
It looked really majestic, the box was simply sticking, or melting, maybe simply absorbing things into its shape, in that way they stick out so could be grabbed at any time, the device was so smart that it adjusted to the owner while using, for example by placing the dagger higher or lower seeing how it is preferred to be used. This one had this feature that if any other person put it on, it simply become a piece of metal, a block of useless metal.
Merah have just realized.. the shooting man was calling someone for the Watcher, it means there is at least one more man there.
She grabbed all the loading and charging devices, recalling the mistake with the shield at the same time. She throw it into Absorber and rushed toward the door.
Here we go again she said.
Not more than five steps behind the door, she has heard this water sound, someone is taking a shower she thought, few steps more and she stopped dashing. Dear gods no.. from behind the staircase doors, to be precise from beneath it water begun to flow.
Did they brought any existing creatures a man would never like to see in this city? She sighed.
It was a Liquider. A masterpiece of modern engineering in arts of killing creatures. It was made of this sort of synthetic liquids. Whenever you try to hit it, all still things go through it. The Liquider was a stubbing creature, it could change any of its part into pike, which was as hard as metal, and stub with it his victim.
Ass all things it had its drawbacks, it could be still for three seconds max, and it had this little cube, this one centimeter cube in its body moving around. It was its mind, its processor.
It is no god, a liquid thing has to have his mind stored somewhere. If the cube was destroyed, the Liquider was a mass of water on the floor with smashed cube.
Its creator, a professor from one of the biggest universities in Blue City was improving his creatures all the time, but some of the aspects were still beyond him. He was reported to be mentally ill, he even made his creatures smile while approaching and killing targets.
The Liguder was already in a shape of a man heading towards her.
Merah grabbed Blue Rose, Absorbed released it at the same time saying “Smash the bustard”
Merah did what she did as she was taught for years, she started to shot, the bullets went through the Liguider doing him nothing. The Liquider didn’t even made this random holes in its body to awoid penetration, he seemed to enjoy it. The Liquder begun to smile.
Merah got scared
“Not good Preetie not good” absorber said.
Suddenly she heard a shot from behind, she dodged aiming into the direction from where the sound came. She saw a man with plasma shotgun in one of the corridor doors.
“die you freak he shouted” firing again.
The Liquder got destructed, plasma cannon is a heavy weapon, it had to regenerate his shape, it started to rotate the cube around its body.
For sure it got nervous Merah thought. She spotted the fire extinguisher next to the liquder, at the same time she was aiming it, she begged there were still bullets in the revolvers, she pulled the trigger and saw the blue light again, the fire extinguisher exploded freezing left part of the Liquider. She jumped towards him aiming the cube which was moving surprisingly fast into all direction in the watered part, she pulled the trigger, but there was no bullets.
The Liquider focused on melting the frozen part, he was confused and in pain at the same time, he smiled and made his right hand knife.
Oh no you don’t Merah screamed, blocking his attack with the Blue Rose semi sword. The hit was so strong that she fell down Blue Rose, the Liquider changed from steal into water, and again from still into water few times in one second.
He is badly broken she thought, she grabbed the Shadow.
Come one girl! The Absorber said while releasing it.
She wanted to hit the cube she made stabbing movement, but at this very moment the Liquider blocked her attack, hit her hand so she fell down the Shadow and grabbed her with his right hand just to turn into water again.
Mera knew if it wasn’t broken, she would have died few times already. She took the little dagger from her calf hitting the cube, but it was so fast, with all this water it was just jumping, and she was cutting water around it.
The Liquider must have problem to become still this time. She had no choice she had to grab the cube with her hand, she did.
The Liquder smiled once again, she begun to fil enormous pain in her hand, she knew the water of which the Liquider was made was very toxic, she was feeling she is releasing the cube due to the pain, she stubbed the cube while holding it with the left hand.
The water splashed on the floor, Merah dropped the broken cube falling down with pain.
Absorber released little tube in such a way that it rolled towards her health hand.
It was this healing shoot she got from this drug addict two weeks ago. The girl was lost, but Merah gave her food that day, she is probably dead anyway.
Cutie we need to hurry the Absorber insisted. Merah grabbed the shot and touched badly burned hand. She felt nothing, she could even move the hand without a problem. The problem was her hand looked like burned muscle from which at some places blood was licking.
Merah knew many died because of war shoots, they felt no pain, they could still perform actions, but they wasn’t aware they were dying.
She stood up. Plaved little dagger onto calf, the longer one on Absorber. She grabbed the Blue Rose with her left hand, immediately the well ornamented weapon turned into red at some parts. She placed the blue rose in Absorber too.
Sweetie we need to hurry, you need to heal Absorber said.
What is that smell Merah said?
I am afraid it is your hand sweetie – the Absorber said.
She turned around to thank the man who distracted the Liquider, but he was laying on the floor of the corridor. What the hell she thought rushing towards him.
Too much stress the Absorber said, he will be fine he has just fainted, it happened when you were grabbing the cube, it must have been a terrible look for him, when he saw what was happening to you.
I was at your back I had perfect view Absorber laughed.
Mera pulled him into his room, threw few old coins next to him, and shut the door. When he wake up, he can buy some expensive things for those. Thank you Sir she thought while rushing toward the staircase.
You are too good girl – the Absorber said.
You are too good pretty girl with ugly smelly hand, shall I load the current location of our beloved doctor?
Shut up Junki – Merah said, and just load our Vet, she laughed.

[Rman Virgil]

.

Better with the syntax. Easier to read.

Interesting how you've personified your gadgets and made them characters in the scene. Now I understand your choice to create a high tech world mingled with touches of the more elementary on the civilization continuum.

I'm also reminded of something the great Arthur C. Clarke said half century ago. One of his 3 "laws" of science & prediction. Specifically the third "law". But here are all 3:

Clarke's three laws~

Clarke's Three Laws are three "laws" of prediction formulated by the British writer and scientist Arthur C. Clarke.

1. When a distinguished but elderly scientist states that something is possible, he is almost certainly right. When he states that something is impossible, he is very probably wrong.

2. The only way of discovering the limits of the possible is to venture a little way past them into the impossible.

3. Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.

SOURCE: http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clarke's_three_laws

One of the first to explore this notion in storytelling was voted one of the all-time Grand Masters of Sci Fi and Fantasy literature and also into the Sci Fi Hall of Fame.

He first did so in his 1950's series The Dieing Earth.

His name is Jack Vance. Many modern fantasy writers owe him a debt of gratitude - including the author of the "Witcher" stories.

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jack_Vance

Like you mentioned, Mero, in the context of map-making, I donot want to be strongly and obviously influenced by the novels of others as I have already read at least 10,000 novels in my formative years. One or 2 a year now is enough for me.

.

[Merowingg]

Thanx Rman, I am in ultra rush.. I came back at 22:05, I took a shower, I need to learn some things, and tomorrow at probably 7:20 will be in train to Kraków, so I need 25 minutes of very fast walk to the train station, and I have to wake up much earlier of course.

All I want to say is that the two previous stories are not editat at all and the last one I tried to improve, and i have managed i think in 15 % I will work with them after the exams.

For now I only forcused on the plot, and I was mind clearing as there is quile hell now fo me there..

I will read and check rest of what you have typed later on.

Tomorrow it is the italian language exam.. and it will not be easy.. today the academic englis if will be passed, those will be only few points helping me, and i would hate to write chicago style test once again.. the wana want us learn all possibilities by heart, commas, italics, one authir, foot note and so one, mix it, change and it is multiple choice.. wish me luck Sir as I am already exhausted.

Bye.

[Rman Virgil]

.

Sounds like a terribly hectic schedule, Mero.

Come back to the story when it feels like a place to recover your essence and find solace in discovering more about the characters you set in motion but who are coming to take on a life of their own such that you feel you are transcribing what they reveal to you.

I understand the flaws of early drafts... usually, I alone see them and what others see for the first time is at least a half dozen re-writes later.

.

[Merowingg]

(Part Four – Let’s leave)
Merah you did many stupid mistakes today – Absorber said.
I know Junkie, why so serious? – Merah asked.
I am worried about you cutie – Absorber replied.
No need I will be fine, I am really tired, just get the hell out of here – Merah said.
They reached the ground level, the Regina hotel was only ten floors tall. Merah slowly opened the door to the enormous shopping mall where the staircase was leading to.
Merah the hand – Absorber said.
Yes Junkie yes, I am only checking – Merah replied.
Reflection on – Merah said and the injured hand was covered with holographic image of healthy hand. Also the absorber was covered with holographic image which made him invisible.
Merah entered the mall, thousands of people were buying, selling, walking, and entertaining themselves.
Merah you have about thirty minutes till the drug will stop working, and ten until the reflection will go off. – Absorber said.
At that very moment Merah spotted few Heavies in front of her, when she looked behind the situation was the same there. They did not see here yet, but certainly they were after her. Someone must have paid a lot of money for my head she thought.
Merah we stand no chance with heaves, I feel you have one and a half clip of bullets, and you are injured. – Absorbed reminded.
I know Junkie – Merah said, and throw five small balls out of her pocket onto floor saying “Projection on”, “Reflection off”
The balls were great device which cost fortune on the black market. The five balls when dropped on the floor by its owner make it disappear by simply interpreting the environment around the owner and projecting it in that way that he became invisible. The balls while on the floor open little projectors which both interpret and send the information while projecting in appropriate way. The four balls circle around the owner at four sides, the fifth sticks near to the owner combining all the balls together in perfect invisible look. It had two drawbacks, person inside the invisible bubble had to move very slow, anything could not get into the projected area, the bubble was about eighty centimeters of radius, and finally it needed a lot of energy.
Merah started to walk slowly trying to predict how the passrs-by will go so she did not clash with them.
Cutie they have The Watchers.. six of them.. – The absorber said.
I damn see Junkie hush now!
A woman in black dress jumped out one of the shops laughing and saying good bye to the seller, walking into the balls radius, for a moment seeing Merah, just to lose her sight after another step outside of the radius. The whole projection get broken for a half of a second, Merah looked back at the woman who was confused of what have just happened, to finally seeing here shaking her head in disbelief and walking again.
“IT WAS CLOSE” – Absorber typed on her right hand messager.
Merah managed to get about ten metres toward the Heavies, Their four Watchers begun to look carefully, when Merah approached the first two of them begun to Watch as crazy, Merah could actually see how their eyes were rotating lens, and how the lens were desperately looking for any abnormality. She could hear the mechanism rotating them back and forward back and forward.
When she was approaching the second set of two dogs, she thought two more four more minutes and we will be safe.
Then a message appeared on her messager – “Look Right!”
Merah looked feeling how her heart begin to beat stronger, there was one extra dog on the right, which was scanning the area with the little satellite sound finder.
Merah typed on her messager “ACUSTIC ON”
Acustic made the person within the ball bubble unhearable, the problem was it was the most energy consuming energy function of her.
“WE HAVE 1:25 THEN ALL GO OFF” “I AM TYPING BECAUSE ANY SOUND WE MAKE IT EVEN SHORTER” Absorber typed.
Merah noded seeing how the extra dog was scanning the area of their location.
Merah was passing the heavies when she saw.
“25 SEC WE NOT GONA MAKE IT”
She looked toward the entrance, she was about 50 metres from it, so close to leave this nightmare. She saw a young woman with a little baby on her hands looking at some books in bookstore on her way to the entrance.
“10 SEC MERAH HOW CAN I HELP YOU, WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?” Absorber typed.
Merah could feel how the Absorber was increasing his functions to do his best to help, she knew sometimes he made him in pain releasing things ultra fast so he could not register his dids as a result causing him some sort of electric pain, she liked him very much.
I love you Junkie - Merah said.
All the systems went off, absorber hoovered the balls, he could hoover small objects one and a half metre from him.
What are you up to Merah? – Absorber almost screamed.
The Heavies looked toward her , seeing crowd people behaving strangely in here presence, being scared by her weaponry, torn clothes, and hurt hand. All the Watchers looked toward her.
She was three metres behind the Heavies, and about one metre from the Woman with the little child on her arms.
Merah rose her left hand into air, her eyes changed colour from deep green into deep blue.
“Merah I am begging you no!” – Absorber said.
“there is no other way Junkie” – she replied with this devil voice of here, the one he heard few times, but only when she had the blue eyes, those eyes of death.
Absorber made his shield, he could because she allowed him, she gave him the combination.
Merah started to somehow collect the air around her, the Watchers started to run towards her. The nearest Heavies opened energetic paralizers.
All area about here become darker, she prepared her right hand, she looked at the Woman with the child, the woman was smiling to her, smiling with understanding. Merah smiled back.
A very loud acoustic sound exploded from her hurt hand, and the wave of invisible power made all the people fifty metres around unconscious. The windows of the nearest shops exploded.
Merah grabbed the woman with the little child while she was falling down and lied the carefully on the floor. The Watchers were still rotating from the momentum of the speed they were running toward Merah.
Absorber always smiled seeing how long it takes Heavies to fall down in this whole armour of theirs.
You see, not so bad Merah said and begun to faint.
Just not on the back - Absorber wished.
Just great Absorber said when she was lying on the floor on him.
Stupid girl, she could kill herself, who knows when she will recover from this one, I just hate it – Absorber said turning his shield off.
He started to revive her with his healing program, one shot, nothing.
Girl, wake up – He said
Another shot, and again..
Just great – Absorber thought.
I can revive her for about a minute then my batteries will go off..

[Rman Virgil]

.

Just to be clear. This is but an edit. Not THE edit; the end all, be all, of edits. There is no one right way. Just an example of the many, equally legit, possibilities.

I think it was Oscar Wilde who once quipped:

"I spent all morning deciding to put a comma in the sentence.
Then all afternoon thinking it best to remove it!"

(Part Four – Let’s leave)

"Merah. You made many stupid mistakes today," Absorber said.

"I know, Junkie. Why so serious?"

"I'm worried about you, cutie."

"No need, I'll be fine. I'm really tired. Just get the hell out of here."

They reached ground level. The Regina hotel was only ten floors tall. Merah slowly opened the door to the enormous shopping mall where the staircase was leading to.

"Merah, the hand," Absorber said.

"Yes Junkie. Yes. I'm only checking."

"Reflection on," Merah said, and the injured hand was covered with a holographic image of healthy hand. Also, The Absorber was covered with a holographic image which made him invisible.

Merah entered the mall. Thousands of people were buying, selling, walking, and entertaining themselves.

"Merah, you have about thirty minutes till the drug stops working, and ten until the reflection wears off," Absorber said.

Then Merah spotted a few Heavies in front of her. When she looked behind, the situation was the same. They did not see her yet, but certainly they were after her.

"Someone must have paid a lot of money for my head," she thought.

"Merah, we stand no chance with heavies. I sense you have a clip and a half of bullets and you're injured."

"I know Junkie," Merah said and threw five small balls out of her pocket onto floor saying “Projection on”, “Reflection off."

The balls were a great device which cost a fortune on the black market. The five balls, when dropped on the floor by its owner, make them disappear by simply interpreting the environment around the owner and projecting it in a way that they became invisible. The balls, while on the floor, open little projectors which both interpret and send the information while projecting in an appropriate way. The four balls circle around the owner at four sides, the fifth sticks near to the owner combining all the balls together in a perfect invisible look. It had two drawbacks. The person on the inside of the invisible bubble had to move slowly, nothing could get into the projected area. The bubble was about eighty centimeters of radius and needed a lot of energy.

Merah started to walk slowly trying to predict how the passers-by would go so she did not clash with them.

"Cutie, they have The Watchers.. six of them," the Absorber said.

"I damn see Junkie. Hush now!"

A woman in black dress jumped out of one of the shops laughing. Saying good bye to the seller, she walked into the ball's radius, for a moment seeing Merah, just to lose sight of her after another step outside of the radius. The whole projection broken for a half of a second, Merah looked back at the woman, who was confused at what just happened, finally shaking her head in disbelief and walking again.

“IT WAS CLOSE,” Absorber typed on her right hand messager.

Merah managed to get about ten metres toward the Heavies. Their four Watchers began to look carefully. When Merah approached, the first two of them began to Watch crazy. Merah could actually see how their eyes were rotating lens and how the lens were desperately looking for any abnormality. She could hear the mechanism rotating them back and forward back and forward.

When she approached the second set of dogs, she thought, "A couple more minutes and we'll be safe."

Then a message appeared on her messenger – “Look Right!”

Merah stared, feeling her heart begin to beat stronger. There was one extra dog on the right, which was scanning the area with the little satellite sound finder.

Merah typed on her messager “ACOUSTIC ON.”

Acoustic made the person within the ball bubble unhearable. The problem was it was the most energy consuming function.

“WE HAVE 1:25 THEN ALL GO OFF”

“I AM TYPING BECAUSE ANY SOUND WE MAKE IT EVEN SHORTER,” Absorber typed.

Merah nodded, seeing how the extra dog was scanning their area.

Merah was passing the heavies when she saw:

“25 SEC WE'RE NOT GONA MAKE IT.”

She looked toward the entrance, she was about 50 metres from it, so close to leave this nightmare. She saw a young woman with a little baby in her hands looking at some books in a bookstore on her way to the entrance.

“10 SEC MERAH. HOW CAN I HELP YOU? WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?,” Absorber typed.

Merah could feel how the Absorber was increasing his functions to do his best to help. She knew she sometimes caused him pain by making him release things ultra fast so he could not register his deeds properly and, as a result, causing him some sort of electric pain. She liked him very much.

"I love you Junkie," Merah said.

All the systems went off. Absorber hoovered the balls. He could hoover small objects one and a half metre from him.

"What are you up to Merah?" Absorber almost screamed.

The Heavies looked toward her, seeing a crowd of people behaving strangely in her presence, being scared by her weaponry, torn clothes, and hurt hand. All the Watchers looked toward her. She was three metres behind the Heavies, and about one metre from the Woman with the little child in her arms.

Merah lifted her left hand. Her eyes changed colour from deep green into deep blue.

“Merah I am begging you no,” Absorber said.

“There's no other way, Junkie,” she replied with this devil voice of hers, the one he heard a few times, but only when she had the blue eyes, those eyes of death.

Absorber made his shield, he could because she allowed him, she gave him the combination.

Merah started to somehow collect the air around her, the Watchers started to run towards her. The nearest Heavies opened energetic paralizers.

The whole area become darker. She prepared her right hand. She looked at the woman with the child. The woman was smiling at her, smiling with understanding. Merah smiled back.

A very loud sound exploded from her hurt hand, and waves of invisible power made all the people within fifty metres unconscious.

The windows of the nearest shops exploded.

Merah grabbed the woman with the child while she was falling down and placed them carefully on the floor. The Watchers were still rotating from the momentum of the speed. They were running toward Merah.

Absorber always smiled seeing how long it takes Heavies to fall down in this armour of theirs.

"You see. Not so bad," Merah said, and began to faint.

"Just not on the back," Absorber wished.

"Just great," Absorber said when she was lying on the floor, on him.

"Stupid girl. She could kill herself. Who knows when she will recover from this one. I just hate it," Absorber said, turning his shield off.

He started to revive her with his healing program, one shot, nothing.

"Girl, wake up," he said.

Another shot, and again..

"Just great," Absorber thought.

I can revive her for about a minute then my batteries will go off.

.

[Merowingg]

Ok Rman, thank you very much for help.

And I like the quotation.

Is it about my last dots?

[Rman Virgil]

Ok Rman, thank you very much for help.

And I like the quotation.

Is it about my last dots?

You're welcome, my friend. At times it's better to show what you mean rather than tell through explanation.

After showing what I mean, I can sum it up like so; using quotation marks, a line space between different characters speaking and not always having to identify by name who is speaking because it's readily infered by sequencing - these in total ventilate your prose and make for flowing reading.

As for the dots in your last sentence, I know you put them in there for a type of emphasis. Your sentence itself is strong enough on its own to convey that significance without the added dots, IMHO.

.

[Merowingg]

Well I sence that not always informing who is speaking is necessary, but I have this feeling that i may miss understanding of the reader if I overestimate.. I just have to learn it.

Also in my text editor it has spaces, but when copied here, it clashes together..

I was busy lately celebrating almos entir academi year win as I do not know the result of Italian language exam..

But soon another part will appear

[Merowingg]

Gentlemen I had to stop writing for some time, although I have the following idea all the time on mind.

Meanwhile I wanted to ask if you would like to be shown a picture of a girl, which is almost my exact vision of how Merah will be looking like.. what is more, she has a gun very similar to Blue Rose description.. which amaze me even more.

I ask only because some readers want to imagine a book on their own.