Corrupt-A-Wish

[bendib]

Wish granted! Warzone becomes a simulation of the United States government.

I wish I could sleep when I didn't want to be awake, and get work done as needed when I did want to be awake.

[Mr_E]

Wish granted! You fall asleep during a fire safety presentation. The next day there's a fire at your office and you run about flailing your arms as your flesh melts.

I wish for a set of clothes that is super hydro and oleo-phobic.

[Jabol]

Wish granted, but your set of clothes set on fire on a single sun ray.

I wish I could move my bones 360 degrees.

[bendib]

Wish granted! You are pretzelled by the Zohan.

I wish the people in ##posix on freenode were kind and helpful.

[AlphaThor01]

Wish granted! But you were killed by a nuke launched by them, which started World War 3.

I wish for JARVIS to be real! (JARVIS is from Iron Man)

[E-102 Gamma]

I wish for JARVIS to be real! (JARVIS is from Iron Man)

Wish granted!

But just like every other AI from movies, he becomes self-aware, turns on humanity, uploads himself to the internet, and wreaks havoc on every piece of hardware and software that is exposed to the internet, until finally, the internet is scrapped and chucked in the bin as unsalvageable. Looks like it's back to the drawing board, guys.

I wish for an unobtainium toaster.

[AlphaThor01]

Wish Granted!
Unfortunately, the "toaster" was a Decepticon and started throwing bread, toast, heated metal, and other Decepticon-related stuff all over your house. It then exploded, destroying the kitchen.

I wish for a newer version of Warzone, even though the game was pretty much recently updated to 3.1.1.

[Hesterax]

Wish granted, a new version of Warzone 2100 has arrived!
Unfortunately, due to the small amount of time given, the new version has barely any difference from the older version...
I wish that I didn't have to use Internet Explorer.

[AlphaThor01]

Wish Granted!

Unfortunately, Google Chrome, Mozilla Firefox, and all other big-shot internet browsers became infected with Trojan viruses and Google was the only one that released the news, so you're stuck with Internet Explorer.
If you mean for real, you can find those two internet browser providers by searching for them. They're free! I honestly prefer Chrome.

I wish for a genie!

[E-102 Gamma]

I wish for a genie!

Wish granted! You get your very own genie who will grant all of your wishes!

...As long as they are "I wish to set you free!"

I wish for unobtainium pizza.

[Hesterax]

Wish granted!
Unfortunately your house gets raided by the scavenger who take it along with everything you have.
I wish I owned a time travelling device.

[E-102 Gamma]

I wish I owned a time travelling device.

Wish granted! You get a time-traveling device!

It's a snow globe, small enough to fit in the palm of your hand. It also doesn't travel through time at any extraordinary speed; it goes forward at the same rate everything else does.

That, and it's a hideous homebrew Mickey Mouse snow globe that is barely recognizable as everyone's favorite Disney character.

I wish for a car that can drive around underwater.

[Hesterax]

Wish granted!
Unfortunately they forgot to add windows to it.
I wish I owned an extremely powerful gaming laptop. At least 100 times more powerful than the Alienware, and pretty portable too.

[E-102 Gamma]

I wish I owned an extremely powerful gaming laptop. At least 100 times more powerful than the Alienware, and pretty portable too.

Wish granted!

You get the most powerful gaming laptop known to man, bar none. It can cut diamonds and sway the hearts and the minds of men to do your evil bidding, as well as transform into a fully-functional, fully-armed F-22.

All of this comes at a price, though. To remain operational, it must have the power output of a nuclear reactor dedicated entirely to itself.

And it can't run Metro 2033 at maximum settings.

I wish I owned an extremely powerful hair dryer.

[Hesterax]

Wish granted!

However when you use it, the air burned your skin and your hair caught on fire. Plus the blast of air blew you of your feet sending you flying into the wall. You wake up in the hospital to find out that you were in a coma for 3 years. You are relieved that you survived until you take a look at the health care fee.

I wish I had my own army cyborgs that looked perfectly like humans and so they can go undetected into a human civilization and are LOYAL to me, just incase they get the thought of overthrowing me.