Random jokes

[Berg]

too funny they hum because they dont know the words

(P) Target Radar hums

(S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics

.
very good that last one.

[Roux Le Corps]

you need more of these! they are FTW man! btw i know your what your dp is now josh ^_^

[JDW]

(Now at Camp Pendleton, San Diego, Marine Corps Recruit Training)

Dear Ma and Pa:

I am well. Hope you are too. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer that the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you got to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m., but I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay... practically nothing. Men got to shave but it's not so bad... there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie, and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food plus yours holds you 'til noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

We go on "route marches," which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The country is nice but awful flat. The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join up before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding on in.

Your loving daughter,
Alice

[JDW]

The old Navy Chief finally retired and got that chicken ranch he always wanted. He took
with him his life-long pet parrot.

First morning at 0430, the parrot squawked loudly and said, “Reveille, Reveille. Up all
hands. Heave out and trice up. The smoking lamp is lighted, now Reveille.”

The old chief told the parrot, “We are no longer in the Navy. Go back to sleep.”

The next morning, the parrot did the same thing. Chief told the parrot, “If you keep this up, I'll put you out in the chicken pen.”

Again the parrot did it, and true to his word, the Chief put the parrot in the chicken pen.

About 0630 the next morning, the Chief was awakened by one heck of a ruckus in the chicken pen. He went out to see what was the matter. The parrot had about 40 white chickens at attention in formation, and on the ground laid 3 bruised and beaten brown chickens. The parrot was saying, “By God, when I say fall out in dress whites, I don't
mean Khakis!”

[Roux Le Corps]

shouting bird is shouting!!!! i like that parrot ^_^

[JDW]

As he was drilling a batch of recruits, the sergeant saw that one of them was marching out of step. Walking up next to the man as they marched, he said sarcastically: "Do you know they are all out of step except you?" "What?" asked the recruit innocently. "I said -- they are all out of step except you!" thundered the sergeant. The recruit replied, "Well, sarge, you're in charge -- you tell them!"

[JDW]

The most dangerous thing in a combat zone is an officer with a map.

Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep.

No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy.

The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.

Outnumbered, yes. Outmaneuvered, maybe. Outclassed, never!

Why not try peace? If we find war is better, it will not be difficult to fight again.

[Roux Le Corps]

hahahaha josh you are epic ^_^

[JDW]

-Mules and donkeys aren't used in war because they're too smart to go on a battlefield

-The ultimate smart weapon would be too smart to blow itself up

-Every command which can be misunderstood, will be.

-If at first you don't succeed, then bomb disposal probably isn't for you.

-When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is no longer our friend.

-Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs always hit the ground.

-"Aim towards the Enemy" — instruction printed on US rocket launcher.

[lav_coyote25]

-"Aim towards the Enemy" — instruction printed on US mine.

[JDW]

-"Aim towards the Enemy" — instruction printed on US mine.

[Roux Le Corps]

ahh yes, like claymores -if you cant remember which way is faces the enemy, its facing you-

[lav_coyote25]

ahh yes, like claymores -if you cant remember which way is faces the enemy, its facing you-

thanks, i couldnt remember the name... claymore mines, thanks.

[JDW]

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

A day without sunshine is like, night.

Always try to be modest and be proud of it!

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

All generalizations are false, including this one.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

[Roux Le Corps]

this statement is false