My Gratitude

[bendib]

Those who know me here in Warzone either hate me or love me, or don't know me. This letter is for the two former. In IRC I am Subsentient. Ingame I am SubSen(MOEPP).

I started with Warzone 2100 in 2010 with 2.3.4. I was first a noob, and for two weeks I was literally the worst cheater Warzone has ever known. Once I realized I was the only one laughing, I put that aside and learned how to play correctly. That was probably one of the best decisions of my life. I suffer from an uncommon but not rare manifestation of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), called by those who suffer from it as Pure-O that until a couple months ago had me on the brink of suicide. Thanks to Prozac, an SSRI which is also effective for OCD, I have my life back for the first time in three years, free from an indescribable hell.

How does this tie into Warzone? I have good reason to believe this game saved my life. It was a powerful distraction from the horror of Pure-O. I'm not sure it matters to me whether or not it did save me, because it eased my pain so very much. I honestly love Warzone 2100 with all my heart. That's why I did what I did with projects like Legacy. The thought of this game changing, and becoming less fun for me, was too dangerous for me, because Warzone was a therapy for me. That's why I so vehemently and violently rebuked any proposed changes, to the extent of creating a fork. I'm asking you to believe me that I never was trying to be a troublemaker or a troll, but I've got some mild autism as well and it affects my social behaviors occasionally. If you knew me, you'd know that one thing I never have is bad intentions. Sometimes just misguided.

Some of you are probably hoping this is a farewell letter, but it's not. I can't do that, I'm sorry. Warzone 2100 helps me too much.
Also on the subject of sorry, I have some personal apologies.

@vexed: I misjudged you. You're a decent person and probably the biggest engine keeping Warzone 2100 alive. Thank you. I'm hoping we can put the past behind us. I only mean well. Please believe me. I also want you to know, when I asked you about our wager in IRC, it wasn't because I wanted to take it, it's because I was hurt that you wanted that.

@Cyp: I've irritated you as well. I always liked you, though it's clear you didn't care much for me.

@stiv: I honestly wasn't trying to clog things up with WZBlue. I didn't expect logging. I also overreacted to your reply in the WZBlue thread.

@Berg: I'm afraid I've made my strangeness abundantly clear to you, and while I'm not sure why you seem to dislike me so much, whatever it is, I'm sorry.

I'll be playing Warzone tonight if anyone wants a game with me.