Random jokes

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ClockWork
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Re: Random jokes

Post by ClockWork »

j0shdrunk0nwar wrote:
- I will be out of the office for the next 2 weeks for medical reasons. When I return, please refer to me as "Lollita" instead of "Steve"
made me laugh. the implementations are funny.
[topic=now]

A family of machinegun tanks are taking a transport over to the zoo to see a rare “Kitty Commander.” On the way, the light machine gun keeps annoying his mom and dad, spouting out the words, “Are we there yet? Are we there yet?” repeatedly.

Fed up with this annoyance, the Father heavy machine gun looks back at him, furiously. “Be quiet before I undergrade your ROF! So Project help me, you will learn to shoot your words out slower boy!”

“B-but dad!” Quipped the smaller built tank.

“No buts! This is the last I want to hear of it! Now quiet before I disown you like the twin machine gun!”

Somewhere off in the distance, a transport flew over a lone cavernous wasteland. on the hilly valley, a solitary vehicle bearing twin machine guns looks by at the passing family. They were so happy…
“Nobody likes me…”

[/topic]
-perhaps I should explain this joke a bit. Every time I see a commander unit, I see those cat like ears on them. They already have an eye, so really, all that it would need is a different coloring on the turret, some paws, and you’d get a “Kitty Commander”.
-The reason for the twin machine gun and the whole disowning thing, is because nobody uses it anyway. The entire machinegun tree normally gets some time on the field, except for that twin turret. So in a way, he was disowned.
I always imagined this small skit in a comic or something. If I could draw, I’d totally do it.
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Re: Random jokes

Post by Assault Gunner »

:lecture: Not quite true. The Twin MG turret is used in the campaign. Otherwise, you are right.
"There is no greater Void than the one between your ears." - Void Ray, StarCraft 2.
Especially the Void between the ears of people who think that No VTOL is a good idea, and won't lead to arty wars. I've won one, and I have to say: I hated it.
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ClockWork
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Re: Random jokes

Post by ClockWork »

:augh: How could you state something such as that! I made up the captain assault gun song for you...I thought what we had was speciaaaal! :(

But ahh…yeah, in campaign, sure. But you face heavy machine gun towers before you even touch those twin turrets. Even the scavengers shun the twin turrets…that’s how sad it is :3

[joke]
A Sensor tank happily drives through the base, newly built.
With wheels so fast, it zoomed without hilt.
Seeing another dish spinning wildly, tank of sensors stops so true.
It was up on a tower of all things, dreadful feeling turning blue.
“Are they replacing me?” it thought with not but an answer,
Thinking of a way, an idea sprung in its gears. “I’ll get an enhancer!”
Going back into the factory, it made a way to become less frail.
Perhaps now, it wouldn’t bite the nail.
Wide spectrum turret in place, it was sure to win.
But it was all in vain, for there was one other just like it’s kin.
A map reviling satellite, no doubt. How disasterly, how dire!
Now things were going to go straight for the wire.
Doing something that it would regret, it held ALT.
In its interface, it saw that satellite, that mistake, that fault!
With units attached to it, it forced a volley of shells to its doom.
Dust to dust, oil to oil, there now would be much room.
It would be this way, until a beam of high intensity would hit.
Missing time and time again, if Nexus new about this, he would certainly have a fit.

And now we know the real reason why Nexus had a hard time aiming his LasSAT XD
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WarTux
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Re: Random jokes

Post by WarTux »

ClockWork wrote:Even the scavengers shun the twin turrets…that’s how sad it is :3
Actually, in Alpha 12, there are some TMG bunkers (yes, TMG bunkers XD ) placed on the hills to the north owned by the New Paradigm.

...then again, considering you don't even have to get near those bunkers to win the mission, I guess that's not too big of an achievement for twin machinegun. :lol2:
Warzone nicknames: WarTux[BDC], ChuckNorris-BDC, DeathStar, etc.
Part of the Black Dragon Clan; apply today, we welcome most! :3
On the Warzone IRC channel you can find me hanging out with the BDC dudes or messing with the bot.
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Roux Le Corps
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Re: Random jokes

Post by Roux Le Corps »

they look nice... thats my comeback ^_^
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Military Words of Wisdom

Post by JDW »

- "You, you and you: panic. The rest of you, come with me."

- A Hero Medal just proves that you were smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.

- A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit.

- Any ship can be a minesweeper... once.
"Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret."
-- Ambrose Bierce
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lav_coyote25
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Re: Military Words of Wisdom

Post by lav_coyote25 »

j0shdrunk0nwar wrote:
- "You, you and you: panic. The rest of you, come with me."

- A Hero Medal just proves that you were smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.

- A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit.

- Any ship can be a minesweeper... once.

yep :3 :3 :3
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Roux Le Corps
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Re: Random jokes

Post by Roux Le Corps »

a captain on his boat is watching the tides when a sailor screams out 'PIRATE VESSEL OFF THE STARBOARD BOW!' the captain quickly tells his second in command to fetch him his red shirt, after the battle, and they had won, the second in command asks why he had him grab a red shirt, 'easy' he explains 'if i am to be wounded my men wont notice the blood, and so they will fight harder' just as his second was praising his ingenuity another sailor screams 'TEN PIRATE VESSELS OFF THE STARBOARD BOW!!' 'QUICK!' the captain yells 'GET ME MY BROWN PANTS!!!!!'
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Re: Military Words of Wisdom

Post by Assault Gunner »

j0shdrunk0nwar wrote:
- "You, you and you: panic. The rest of you, come with me."

- A Hero Medal just proves that you were smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.

- A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit.

- Any ship can be a minesweeper... once.

yep :3 :3 :3
:lol2: I like the last one best. :D
"There is no greater Void than the one between your ears." - Void Ray, StarCraft 2.
Especially the Void between the ears of people who think that No VTOL is a good idea, and won't lead to arty wars. I've won one, and I have to say: I hated it.
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Black Project
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Re: Random jokes

Post by Black Project »

j0shdrunk0nwar wrote:
- A Hero Medal just proves that you were smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
The best one :3 :lol2: XD

Regards BP
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JDW
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Re: Random jokes

Post by JDW »

Roux Le Corps wrote: 'TEN PIRATE VESSELS OFF THE STARBOARD BOW!!' 'QUICK!' the captain yells 'GET ME MY BROWN PANTS!!!!!'
:lol2: :lol2: :lol2:
"Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret."
-- Ambrose Bierce
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Military Words of Wisdom

Post by JDW »

- Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid.

- Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps.

- Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything.

- Five second fuses only last three seconds.
"Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret."
-- Ambrose Bierce
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Roux Le Corps
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Re: Random jokes

Post by Roux Le Corps »

XD
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Military Words of Wisdom

Post by JDW »

- If God had meant for us to be in the Army, we would have been born with green, baggy skin.

- It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.

- Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.

- Push to test. Release to detonate.

- Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography.
"Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret."
-- Ambrose Bierce
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Roux Le Corps
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Re: Military Words of Wisdom

Post by Roux Le Corps »

- Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography.
:lol2:
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